Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize