Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
