Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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