i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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