Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
