we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
