I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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