just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize