According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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