is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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