yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
