Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
