guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
