He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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