Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
