he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
