Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
