Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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