Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
