Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize