So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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