I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
