when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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