I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
