He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
