take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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