Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
