who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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