M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
