I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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