i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
