Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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