Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
