chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my sisters under your porch take her home
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
