nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
