He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
