Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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