If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
