Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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