Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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