I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
