Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
