She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
