When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
