also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
