if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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