DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
