That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
