im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
