is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
