Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are we still banned from the library?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
