My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
