You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
