this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ladies don't puke and tell
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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