Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
