why im i the only drunk person in the library?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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