I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's always time for handjobs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
