WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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