Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
