Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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