In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sober January is a disaster.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
