I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
