At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
our cab driver is having phone sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
