Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
