Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
