my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
