I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
