Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
