Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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