I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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